Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Immigration Education Program

chiming in with a serious issue that is facing our country right now, that's right immigration. I got love for our immigrant brothers and sisters. This country is based on the immigrants with our immigrant forefather Chirstopher Columbus leading the way, Immigrants have had a major impact on the shaping of this country. This is where my concern begins. I had the pleasure of visiting a certain city which should remain nameless for protection of the innocent, people have been raven about this city for a while, with it's beautiful orioles and claim it is a great land to get mary'd in (if you don't know where I'm talking about, you should try reading kermit the frog blog). I was brought to a fast food place by a close brother. I was told the hamburgers were bomb. I haven't had a burger in years so I start to get very excited (I know it's sad when burgers are the highlight of your day). So I order me the biggest burger they got, I want onions on that joint, lettuce tomatoes, the works. A few minutes later the brother comes out with my food. I get in the car happily anticipating my date with this lucious piece of fried cow. 10 minutes later I give in, I can't wait any longer, I'm going to devour this burger right in my homies car, it's bout to get ugly, there will be ketchup spilled, onions dropped, grease stains on my clothes, it's on for real. I open the carton and what do I find, a hamburger on some freaking pita bread, that's right some freaking pita bread.
I look at the brother driving and as politely as any man can ask "yo, what the hell is this?" he says "what it's a burger?" a polite "no the hell it aint!!" was my response. I went from puzzled to furious all in the matter of seconds. The brother responds "yo, they immigrants ahk, just chill", that's when I decided to take action, seeing my brother from another mother accepting this culinary injustice was more than I could stand.
Some might think I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill, but think about it, what if you went to a mexican restaurant and ordered an ice cream and they gave it to you on a taco shell? What if you went to a kosher deli and ordered a hot dog and they gave it to you in a fajita wrap? It's just wrong, people should be educated about the culinary customs of it's patrons. Now check this scenario if you still think I'm tripping.
A puerto rican drives by a restaurant opened by an italian man, he sees a sign outside advertising "spanish rice and beans", the young boricua flips his wig, he hasn't ate a good plate of rice and beans since he was released from the juvie home in old san juan. He calls up two of his homies, yusef and Elias. They get all hyped up to get some rice and beans. They show up in the restaurant and order three big plates of Rice and beans, the poor italian man shows up with three plates of rice pilaf and green beans. Now technically it is rice and beans but when he gets a look at the face of the three starving latinos he starts to panic. Yusef grabs the plate and politely says "yo, what the hell is this?" then chaos insues, chairs are thrown through windows, tires are slashed, cops are called and latinos get sent back to jail. Not pretty, not pretty at all. It's do the right thing all over again. So please educate these store owners, you'll be doing your community a service

Friday, May 1, 2009

suli's new workout

peace and love to all,

got some good news, your brother has lost 30 pounds in the last 5 months. How do you ask? No it's not the economy putting a dent on my kebob and bacalao budget. It's a new diet I've come up with, there is no need for exercise and the diet is super cheap and easy to implement. You want in, sounds to good to be true? Ok maybe I didn't invent it but I am one of the first to implement it. It's all natural and has been implemented for at least 1oo years (maybe even longer, I just can't speak the same language as it's originators or I would ask them) So what is it, can't stand the suspense? I call it the "Gorilla Diet". Think about it, Gorillas are some of the strongest beings on the planet. Do they lift weights, no. Do they drink creatine shakes, powebars, gatorade? no, no and emphatically no.
Well how do they do it? the eat nuts, bananas and berries. That's all you have to do, forget about hitting the treadmill for 30 minutes. You ever see a gorilla on a treadmill? Do they drink fiji water, evian water, do they pay 6.99 for a gallon of smart water? no, no and probably not (seeming how they don't even have pockets, let alone bank accounts). What do they drink? water out of puddles on the ground, water off of leaves just lying around in the jungle.
next week I'll lay out a extensive plan on how you can implement my gorilla workout, I'm just going to give your brain a couple of days to wrap around the reality of this groundbreaking workout regiment.
your brother,
Go,Go Gorilla